Think Yourself A Baby
Season 2, Episode 2
Draska attempts to seduce Van.
Air date 12 September 2006
Written by Tim Balme
Directed by Michael Bennett
Episode guide
Thy Name Is Woman
The Secrets Of My Prison House

Think Yourself A Baby was the second episode of the second season. It was the 15th episode overall.


Van’s sperm becomes the stuff of legend and Munter takes the piss; Hoochie Mama turns it all the way up to 11; and Pascalle gets herself a bloke.


Ooonst oonnst oonst!!! Everyone in the house is suffering through yet another Hoochie Mama lingerie party – the second one this week. The family demands Cheryl find a new venue for the Hoochie parties.

Hoochie Mama – despite being a success – isn’t making anyone any cash. An unlikely fairy godmother steps up to the plate: Mrs Doslic wants to invest in the company.

Cheryl is reluctant to get financially involved with a bunch of mad Dalmatians and tries to secure a legitimate bank loan. The meeting with the bank ends badly thanks to Wolf parading around the house complaining about how bloody uncomfortable the home detention ankle bracelet is.

A new potential investor turns up in the form of Tracy Hong. After a trial run with some company samples, Tracy is keen to become Hoochie Mama’s new partner.

On another front, Cheryl is highly dubious that Draska is actually pregnant (heaven help Van if she is) and pops her a surprise pregnancy test. Lo and behold, a positive result.

Van swears that (except for blow-jobs, obviously) he always sheathed it when rooting Draska. Draska meanwhile is using the baby as an excuse to get close to Van again. She only targeted his family and friends who scorned her and hurt her, she would never do anything to hurt Van. Indeed, it seems that she’s all loved up when it comes to her man.

Munter gets onto the case. He and Cheryl divine Draska’s plan must be to root Van without protection until she gets actually pregnant, thereby trapping Van forever. Munter’s investigations uncover the fact that Draska has been buying urine from the very pregnant Corinna Balani, a notorious West Auckland slut.

Cheryl produces another pregnancy test for Draska and – in front of the assembled families – the result comes up negative! Munter had paid Corinna Balani to swap her next pee sample with his.

Munter has saved his mate from a fate worse than sex.

Jethro has left Trapman Stierson to set up his own firm. Is it his own though? Wolf feels like he’s just set up in business, having provided the funds for his son’s move.

Meanwhile, Loretta’s DVD operation is in danger. She’s had to turn to Pascalle to sit behind the counter of the Video Hut.

With her modelling career bottomed out, Pascalle idly turns to bullying the geeks and people who don’t pay their late fines. She thinks it’s kind of fun.

She soon discovers Hayden Peters. Well, she notices that he has the most unpaid fines of any person in the Video Hut data base. When she turns up at his home to collect the cash, Hayden turns out to be charming and dead gorgeous. Pascalle reckons he’s the perfect man – except…

He doesn’t seem to be the slightest bit interested in her. After he realises Pascalle’s family connections, however, Hayden turns up the charm and it appears that Pascalle has just landed herself a new man.

Or has she?

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