The Secrets Of My Prison House
Season 2, Episode 3
Ted and Loretta West leave a fish in Jethro's office.
Air date 19 September 2006
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Simon Bennett
Episode guide
Think Yourself A Baby
This Two-Fold Force

The Secrets Of My Prison House is the third episode of Season Two and the 16th of the series overall.


Wolf feels violated; Pascalle’s new boyfriend has the hots for an entirely different member of the family; and Loretta and Grandpa repair a few fences and crack a safe.


Someone has tagged the West house with “The Phat Hard Crew” – little prick boy-racers who’ve recently taken to cruising past the house with loud thumping music booming out of their car while giving Wolf the finger. Home detention is wearing thin for Wolf.

Evidently one of the boy racers is a police informant and Judd has let him off about a trillion dollars in potential traffic fines – in return for tormenting Wolf.

The boy racers taunt Wolf again – running off with the West’s rubbish bin, right before Wolf’s eyes; daring him to stop them. Of course Wolf can’t step beyond the boundary of the house but he notes the licence plate of their car.

Jethro, meanwhile, is tackling the option of getting Wolf out of the house by arranging a job for him. But Brian, Wolf’s new parole officer, shoots down every one of Jethro’s suggestions on the grounds that they’re unsuitable people for Wolf to be hanging with.

Later that night, a boy racer steals Cheryl’s car from the driveway.

Judd gives the boy racer a bollocking and demands he recover Cheryl’s car.

Jethro finds a name and phone number from the licence plate Wolf took down. Wolf dials and tells the car owner he wants an end to this harassment and has a deal to propose. The Phat crew arrives, but much to the boys’ chagrin, Wolf makes off with their car.

Van, Jethro and Munter emerge from their hiding places. Whoops. Take a seat boys.

Wolf sells the boy racer’s car to Falani. Falani drives off and Wolf asks Eric to present the large rock he has acquired for him. Wolf wants Eric to drop it on his foot. Eric tries but Wolf means too much to him. After too much hesitation, Wolf quickly becomes fed up and decides Eric's foot will do just fine. Eric is one step closer to earning his way back in Wolf's good graces.

Judd and Hickey arrive at the West house having been alerted to Wolf’s break of parole. Wolf arrives shortly, with Eric in tow – on crutches, his foot bandaged. Wolf explains that he and Eric were doing a spot of gardening – and, blow me down, if Eric didn’t go and drop this humungous great rock on his foot. Wolf tried calling 111 but there must have been something wrong with the phone so he had no choice but to take him to hospital. His parole officer was very sympathetic. Wolf is untouchable.

Meanwhile, Pascalle is, for once in her life, happy. She’s got a cool boyfriend Hayden. But Daddy doesn’t seem to approve…

After a memory jog, Wolf recalls that he used to know Hayden’s father Danny. He was a pimp who wanted to be a player and he ran a string of suburban knock shops. Classy stuff.

It is only after Wolf has seen off the boy racers that Hayden finds the key to winning Wolf’s trust – by offering him a “legitimate” job. Brian the parole officer is very impressed.

Jethro shows off his impressive new office to Grandpa and Loretta. They soon find a safe behind a painting. They have no idea what’s in the safe but eventually, after some haggling, a deal is struck – there’ll be a three-way split between Loretta, Jethro, Grandpa once they manage to crack the safe.

Grandpa teaches Loretta some of the finer points of safe-cracking – and after some small setbacks, thoroughly enjoys being back in the saddle himself.

Eventually, Grandpa manages to open the safe – while Loretta’s not watching – and pockets the contents before alerting her to the “empty” safe. They decide to leave a fragrant present inside for Jethro.

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