|My Dearest Foe|
|Season One, Episode Eight|
|Air date||August 30, 2005|
|Written by||James Griffin|
|Directed by||Jonathon Brough|
Foul Deeds Will Rise
When The Blood Burns
It’s Cheryl's 38th birthday. She unwraps her birthday present from Van, Pascalle and Loretta. It is a large, ornate and extremely ugly cuckoo clock. Van, it transpires, was very stoned when the belated call came through to get Mum a birthday present.
Two things (apart from the ugly clock) threaten to spoil Cheryl’s day. First, her family is less than supportive about her new job – at an insurance company. Second, her car breaks on the way to work.
For Pascalle, however, the day gets off to a much better start when Xena, from Stratosphere Models, calls Pascalle in to try out as a model for Save The Animals From Cruelty. Animal charities are very Rachel Hunter, and Pascalle divines this job is her destiny.
At the cattle call, however, is Chantelle Lazenby – a girl Pascalle hasn’t seen since Irish dancing, when Chantelle was really, really fat. Now she is gorgeous and elfin and the competition standing in the way of Pascalle’s destiny.
At home, meanwhile, Grandpa uses Munter’s sympathy over the loss of Margaret to lure him into a game of poker. It is a game that will go on for several days, as Grandpa systematically fleeces Munter, Eric and Rochelle of their money; which makes Grandpa feel a lot better.
Cheryl’s birthday, meanwhile, is fast losing its edge when she discovers; (a) a dodgy claim – submitted by a friend, Kasey, to raise money for her planned naughty knicker business and (b) that the ugly clock present is, in fact, stolen property sold to Van by Eric.
That night, Pascalle’s first attempt to eliminate the threat of Chantelle – by persuading her to drop out of the running for the charity campaign – goes horribly astray when Chantelle feeds her an ecstasy pill, assuring Pascalle she wants her to get the job. They end up dancing on the bar together.
The next morning, Pascalle wakes up in Chantelle’s bed, to answer a ringing mobile. It’s Xena, changing Chantelle’s call time for the charity job photo shoot. Pascalle realises Chantelle knew she had the job all along.
Cheryl, meanwhile, finds another bogus claim – this time from a work mate, for her (often) stolen car. She approaches her boss, Penny, who palms her off with bland reassurances. Leaving for the day, Cheryl notices all the employees have expensive, late model cars. The smell of rat is strong in Cheryl’s nostrils.
At home, Pascalle is ignoring Loretta’s interest in what went on between her and Chantelle underneath the sheets, in favour of plotting her revenge. The opportunity arises when Chantelle rings to ‘apologise’. Vengeance shall be hers after she’s got Chantelle so pissed/stoned that she’s having her stomach pumped when she should be at her photo shoot.
With the poker game going on around her, Cheryl is ensnared in a battle of wills with Loretta over putting up the stolen cuckoo clock when Penny drops by the West house. They go back to Penny’s for a drink – and to lay their cards on the table. Cheryl reveals she’s aware of the scam they’ve got going – approving each others bogus claims. Penny admits this, but claims she’s only helping out women who’ve been hurt by men – victims of men, like Cheryl is. Moreover, she needs someone to take over as she moves up the corporate ladder, and who better than Cheryl West of the notorious West family?
In this way Cheryl discovers the only reason she got the job was because of who she used to be – and how that might be useful to Penny.
Pascalle’s plan to derail Chantelle seems to be working perfectly as her rival, drunk and stoned, ends up throwing up in the toilet, then passing out on the floor. Pascalle dances a jig over the body of her fallen Irish dancing foe – her destiny will be hers!
The next morning and the poker game continues. Cheryl’s mechanic, Falani, who has lost big, hands Cheryl an enormous bill for fixing her car. Great. All Cheryl needs.
At work, Cheryl gives Penny her answer – she wants no part of the scam. Penny responds by informing Cheryl that she will be transferred to the Pakuranga branch. Cheryl tries reasoning with her – she won’t say anything – but to no avail. So, very coolly, Cheryl leaves the office, steals Penny’s car, and gives it to Falani to pay off her debt.
Needless to say, Penny fires her.
Pascalle is sleeping in Chantelle’s bed when a cellphone rings. This time it is for Pascalle. It’s Chantelle – gloating from the charity photo shoot. Did Pascalle not remember she was dealing with Garbage Guts Lazenby – her of the indestructible constitution? She expected much better from Pascalle. To add salt to the wound, Chantelle lets Pascalle know she really enjoyed herself last night – if Pascalle gets her drift.
All that remains for Pascalle is a tiny tiny (but effective) act of revenge as she consigns all of Chantelle’s clothing (and her shoes) to a charity recycling bin. After all, it’s all about charity, isn’t it?
Finally, Grandpa has bankrupted the other players. They leave in disgust, just as Judd and Hickey pay a visit to the Wests, on a tip off about a stolen cuckoo clock. Judd isn’t really interested and Cheryl fobs him off before…
That night, when Penny arrives home she finds Cheryl waiting for her, with a message. If Penny ever sends the cops after her again, Cheryl will exact a terrible revenge. Message delivered, Cheryl goes, leaving Penny a present – a large, ornate, extremely ugly, cuckoo clock, hanging on Penny’s wall.